EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM!
by Sabaku No Ko-chan
Summary: Two years have passed since Koneko has thrown the entire Akatsuki into the portal to fix it, she and Mel have found love, but will the Akatsuki leave her alone? WARNING! Xtremely random! P.S. You dont really have to read the first one to get it...
1. Uhuh?

**MAH FIRST SEQUELLLLL!!! Please be gentle… major OOC ness… **

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 1

Uhuh?

"Do you take this woman, to have and to hold to (BLAH BLAH MARRIAGE MARRIAGE!)?"

"I do" Gaara said boldly.

"Miss Koneko, Do you take this man to (BLAH?)"

"Uhuh?" I nodded dumbly, Gaara just chuckled.

"Then you may kiss the bride."

"Wait, is that him or me?" Naruto's eyebrows furrowed

"Just kiss." Okay, I can DO that! I puckered up and followed through with his instructions. After the kiss, I jumped up.

"HA MEL! I GOT MARRIED BEFORE YOU AND LEE!!!" I said pointing to the bride's maid death glaring at me. "IM JUST KIDDING MEL! I LUB CHU!" I screamed, walking to the LIMO!!!! Naw just kidding, it was a rather nice horse drawn carriage with the ever popular words 'just married' on the back. She made extra sure that she threw rice in my FACE when we passed by.

**AFTAH DE HONEY MOON **

"Hey Gaara?"'

"Yes?" "I was…just wondering…"

"What exactly were you wondering?" "Well…I want you to meet my brother. I may have told him I would never come back, but that was 2 years ago. Sooo I would kind of like to see him again."

"You're cute when you're nervous."

"You're cute when you blow things up." I smiled.

"By the way, we can go see him whenever you like."

"Brace yourself…" I warned, giving an awesome death warning of doom, backing up and running like hell.

"KONEKO!!!!" he screamed scurrying.

"RUNNING DEATH GLOMP OF DOOM!"

"AAAAHHHH!" He screamed when I landed on him.

"Thank you!"

**THE TREE!**

"HAHAHAHA! I remember this!" I said, pointing at the monkey and hamster playing foosball.

"How does this help?" he said, pointing at the tree.

"You jump off it and you land in my dimension." I explained.

"Ah, I have an easier idea." his sand surrounded us and we rose up.

"Cool…"

**MY OLD WORLD!!!**

Soooo wandering the streets dressed like we were was NOT a good idea…Cat calls, woots and insults flew from the mouths of the passers and nothing BUT insults flew from mine.

"That's a word?" Gaara said, startled.

"Mhm and a common one here." I said. "Well, we're here!" I stood in front of the awesome apartment complex of DOOM!

"…LEAD THE WAY OH MIGHTY PRINCESS!" he screamed, which rather startled me. I walked ahead to apartment 20; ah so many things have happened on these steps.

"BILLY BILLY BUTT BUTT LET ME TELL YOU WHAT WHAT!!!!" I screamed, entering the house. "OH LUCY IM HOOOME!"

"KONEKO!?" I herd bangs, and a crash followed by a series of curse words.

"That's a word too?" Gaara whispered. I nodded. My brother strode out of his room.

"YEAH! THAT'S MUAH, FUCK FACE!"

"KONEKO!!! 2 FUCKING YEARS AND ALL I GET IS A LETTER, SPOILED MILK, OATMEAL AND CAT URINE!? I thought I taught you better!" he chided halfheartedly. He stopped, looking Gaara up and down. "Koneko, why does this man look like the guy you have so many stalker pictures of?"

"Because it is said guy."

"You're delusional! He's probably a really good cosplayer!"

"No sir, I am not, and it is a pleasure to meet my brides--" I clapped my hand over his mouth.

"I wanna tell him!"

"Bride? Tell me what!?" he said warily.

"Well, Gaara is my husband; we got married 1 month ago in the other world."

"KONEKO!!! YOUR ONLY 17!!! YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME!?"

"I MAY BE 17 BUT THAT'S OLD ENOUGH TO CHOSE WHO TO BE HAPPY WITH!"

"Billy, is it? I will be happy to inform you that I will do my best to care for your sister, and you shouldn't worry about her safety, for I will protect her with my life."

"AWWW see! You brought out his mushy side! I woulda preferred his 'lets blow things up' side, but this is nice!" I said, forcing them into a group hug.

"Your sister brings out the best in me…"

"Well, psychopath meets unstable mood swingy guy, I think its true love!" I swung my arm and made contact with his stomach (I punched him) with a satisfying 'Thump'

"Shut up! So…Billy, we gotta village to run, love to stay but…BYE!" I said, pushing him, grabbing Gaara and booking it.

**WEIRD TIME SKIP TO OUR…ISH WORLD!**

"Why did you push him?"

"He would have NEVER let me leave."

"Ah."

"Come on Gaara; let's go make fun of Mel."

"Sounds fun."

"Indubitably!" (I typed it in, thinking it wasn't a real world BUT IT _IS_!)

"Sand?"

"SAND!" I agreed, grabbing his hand.

**TELEPORTING TELEPORTING TELEPORTING **_**SAND GUY!!! And girl…**_

"I love when you do that…" He just chuckled. "Sh, just listen for Mel shouting loud and completely weird commands."

"LEE! HIT THAT LOG LIKE IT KILLED YOUR FATHER!"

"THIS LOG **DID** KILL MY FATHER! Why the HELL do you think I've been kicking the crap OUTTA the same log for YEARS!?"

"DON'T TALK BACK!" I smirked.

"_That_ way!" I snuck over to the noise. "MEL!" She jumped, punching Lee in the face.

"KONEKO YOU BASTARD!" she screamed in anger.

"YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOUR FIANCÉ GOT PWNED!"

"Ow…my face." Lee said, getting up rather slowly.

"PWNED!" I screamed again. "MWAHAHAHA! THAT'S OWNED WITH A P!!!"

"You anger me…"

"I succeeded in my plot then…" to destroy the WORLD!!!(Bwahahaha)

"HAPPY HYPER DANCING TIME!!!" Gaara shouted…Mel just stared at him.

"Wow, I didn't think she'd have that much effect on you, Gaara." He didn't really know what she said, he was too busy dancing.

"WOW GAARA! YOUR YOUTH IS STRONG!!! I MUST USE THIS TRAINING TECHNIQUE!" Lee screamed, getting up and dancing.

"LEE!" Mel screamed, then waved her hands. "Never mind, have fun."

"GAARA! YOUR SO AWESOME! YOU'RE LIKE FIRE IN A JAR!" I said, clinging on to him like a leach.

"…cause im THAT hot?"

"Exactly…"

"WOOT!"

"You're as cute as the surprised kitty…" awwww I love the surprised kitty!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**DID YOU LIKE IT???? ITS MAH FIRST SEQUEL! Um, if you didn't notice, there is a two year time skip…so yeah. This wasn't very random, I promise the other ones will be! **

**Ko-chan(OR IS IT!?) DAMN YOU NOT TODD! STOP SAYING THAT! *Beats with news paper***


	2. Sand go BOOM!

**You love the awesomeness… you know you do! My friend says its better than the original! YAY!**

**Disclaimer: all the naruto ness ran away to the circus when I went bankrupt, then Kishi found them begging for change…sorry. I should have kept that lotto ticket. (this makes absolutely no SENSE!)**

RECAP!

"You're as cute as the surprised kitty…" awwww I love the surprised kitty!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 2

Sand go **BOOM!**

"Hey!" Mel screamed, waving a scroll in the air.

"WHAT!" I said, snatching at the scroll, but missing horribly. Instead I grabbed her jacket collar…damn my shortness.

"EPIC FAIL!" instead of getting mad at this, I got REALLY MAD, I yanked down on her collar, making her bend down enough so I could grab the scroll. I unrolled it, reading it out loud.

_Lord Kazekage and wife, _"Yo,"

_We plead you to return to the Sand, the Akatsuki are destroying the village, _"Go home, the Akatsuki are trashin' the town." _I write this in urgency, and plead you to consider. _

"I'm writing this fast, so could you please come,"

_The council _"The old bags that control everything." I paused, "Okay, where's my chainsaw…." Gaara grabbed my hand, and we evaporated into sand.

**TELEPORTING TELEPORTING TELEPORTING **_**SAND GUY….AND GIRL!**_

I got Gaara a chainsaw for a wedding present. Its black! Mine is red…..and Florance is his name. I revved it from the Kazekage tower, and the entire Akatsuki stopped what they were doing to shake in fear.

"WHO THE HELL DECIDED TO TRASH MY VILLAGE!?!?!?!!" I screamed in anger.

"H-Hello Ko-chan…we didn't know this was you're village…we were looking for the jinchuuriki…"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MAH VILLAGE!!!" Gaara joined me and revved his chainsaw as well.

"OH MY JASHIN! SHE'S CONVERTED HIM!!! RUN!!!!" Hidan screamed, scrambling away from the village in an all out run.

"YOU MESS WITH MAH HUSBAND AND TOBI WONT BE THE ONLY ONE WITHOUT BALLS!" I shouted. The rest ran away screaming in horror. We didn't even do anything and we ridded the village of S-ranked criminals…cool. I feel so important! The entire crowd got up and clapped. "DAMN RIGHT!" Gaara took my arm and whispered,

"Lets go blow things up!" I smirked and followed him. Temari and I are on good terms, she thinks I am good for Gaara, Konkuro on the other hand, says he liked him better when he was less scary. We take them out and blow things up in the middle of the desert. We make a big block of sand, and see who can make the most awesome thing. I've got a bunch of dynamite (Mel's wedding present) and throw it at the block! Its so much fun. So far, mine looks like the grudge. Gaara's looks like….I can't really tell right now, Konkuro's looks like a dying cat, and Temari's looks like a giant fan.(surprising)

"YO KANKLE! HAND ME SOME DYNAMITE!"

"WITH PLEASURE!" he lit it and through it at me. Dodging it, and Gaara protecting me with sand, I through it back.

"NOT LIT! YOU'RE MORE BLONDE THAN I THOUGHT!" I laughed. It blew up and made kankle look like a suit ball.

"Done." Gaara smirked at his work of art. It was a Teddy-bear.(Not that scary one from host club though…) I ran and glomped him.

"AWWWW! That's so CUTE!" I chucked one last piece of dynamite at mine to reveal a fox with a ninja head band. "Done!" Konkuro stood aside to show his, as a dying cat. "Wow, so artistic." I said sarcastically. Temari's was a replica of her and her fan, it was kick-ass! "Okay, who wants to make this eternal art a bang!" I said, throwing them each a 12-pack of dynamite.

**A couple blown up limbs later…**

"Well, that was fun." I sighed. "And I think the villagers like us a little bit more…"

"Yeah, what did you DO to them? They were literally shaking in their boots!"

"Truthfully, I just annoyed the shit out of them…"

"…It worked…" he said brightly.

"I have fingahs!" I said, wiggling my hands "wooAoo!"

"FINNNNGGGGAAAAHHHSSS!" he said, copying me. We continued to dance until the sun came up…all together, it was a perfect night…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**DID YOU LIKE IT???? ITS MAH FIRST SEQUEL! *Thunderglomp* I lub chu alleLE!!!!!!!!! Review PLEASE! It lets me know you lub me too!**

**Ko-chan(OR IS IT!?) DAMN YOU NOT TODD! STOP SAYING THAT! *Beats with news paper***


	3. Neon Imp

**I'm a little depressed at the moment, I hope it doesn't show in my writing…**

**DISCLAIMER!!!: I OWNS NOTHING!!! Literally nothing….its sad.**

RECAP!

"FINNNNGGGGAAAAHHHSSS!" he said, copying me. We continued to dance until the sun came up…all together, it was a perfect night…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 3

Neon imp

"FOR THE LAST TIME! I DID NOT TOUCH YOUR DOLLS!" I screamed at Gaara.

"THEY'RE NOT DOLLS! THEIR STAR-WARS COLLECTABLE ACTION-FIGURES!" I shouldn't have brought THAT through the portal.

"Dolls…" I whispered.

"what did you say?!" he challenged.

"nothing, nothing at all. Listen, I'm sorry that I called them dolls, and I promise that I didn't touch them." I said, hugging him.

"What could have happened to them then!? You were the only one that knew

"Let's check with Kankle…"

**LALALALALALALAAAAAA IZ A UNICRN! **

"Yo kankle, you see his…." I paused to see Kankle playing with Gaara's dolls. "…..action figures?"

"YOU TOOK THEM OUT OF THE ORIGINAL PACKAGING! THEIR _WORTHLESS_ NOW!" Gaara whined.

"Uhhhhh….." kankle murmured, scrambling away from the mess, his make-up smeared.

"You're screwed." I murmured. Kankle was cowering behind the book shelf.

"**I will bring a new world of pain onto you, brother.**" Gaara said, surrounding Kankle with sand. His face was all like, BLEAHAHEL

"Gaara, please don't kill your brother, who else can I throw dynamite at? And we JUST got the villages trust." I tried reasoning. "Please. don't make me do it." I said tauntingly. He continued. "One…" not a flinch. "Two…" Nada, "three…" nope. "Okaay" I drew out. "--"

"OKAY OKAY! I'm stopping! Look!" his sand stopped attacking his brother and went back to his gourd.

"that always works…" I smirked. "Now, I need someone to dance ALL NIGHT LONG!" I quoted (from song you've probably never heard..)

**RANDOM FLAILING!!!!!!**

"HE WHO SMELLS LIKE DEAD OTTER! (kankle) COME HITHER AND TASTE THIS!" I screamed, holding out a spoon. I was cooking something I found this morning on the ground and wanted to know what the hell it was, so we'll see what it tastes like. "Come hither human Ginny-pig!" I said in baby talk. He came warily, Sticking the spoon into his mouth. He changed 5 different neon colors before spitting the spoon out. "That solves it! IT WAS AN IMP!" I said, striking a pose.

"YOU FED ME IMP!? WHAT THE HELL IS IMP!?"

"I…..don't know…" I said, giggling at the neon pink he changed.

"What!?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! You changed colors!"

"What color am I?" he sputtered.

"Well, Mel always said there are two colors in the world, brown, and a lighter brown some people call tan." I said matter-of-factually. He stared blankly at me. "I do admit it doesn't go well with your make-up." Gaara walked into the kitchen.

"Why is Kankuro pink?"

"SHE FED ME IMP!" he screamed, pointing at me.

"Ah, I see." he said flatly, before turning around and walking out.

"HA! I WIN!" I huffed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**MEL GAVE ME A NEW NAME! TIS 'flails like dying cockroach' hers is 'hits like angry bear' WHACHA THINK!? Review and tell me! -- Anyway, JA!**

**Ko-Chan! (OR IS IT!) **


	4. No

**HEY!!!!! HEY GUESS WHAT!!! I updated…*smug* ONWARD!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned naruto, I would be busy drawing, instead of writing This fanfiction! So be happy I don't own Naruto! But if I did.….only Sasuke would die…I'd make the log fall on him or something…and maybe I would make the Akatsuki realize they were all going to die, and start a flower shop, then Deidei found out he was actually a girl and started dressing accordingly.(Ino) **

RECAP!

"HA! I WIN!" I huffed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 4:

No

LALALALALALA! I like to singa! About the moona and the juna and the springa!

"GAAAAARA!"

"Yes?"

"I WANNA SEE MEL!!!! CAN WE!?" I begged.

"No."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Pfft….. I just really wanted to do that….I'm gunna double update just because….**

**Ko-chan(OR IS IT!?)**


	5. Slave labor and brains

Yeah….sorry about last chapter…it was funny to _ME._

Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own naruto! *Smirks at Naruto in cage* -pokes with stick- "HEY DON'T POKE ME" shut up. -beats with stick-

**RECAP!**

"**No."**

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**CHAPTER 5: **

**Slave labor and brains.**

**I decided to go off by my self in order to find the Akatsuki and force them into slave labor…(^_^) it was a good idea at the time. Gaara doesn't know I'm out….so don't tell. If you tell him, you will be dead to me forever. I swear. The reason I'm not telling him, he has a village to look after, and what if they go after him and try to take Shukaku out? He'll be all like OH NO!!! And I would be sad….**

"**Tooooooobbbiiiii!" I called. If anyone would come, it would be him. "TOBI! HERE! NOW!" I tried Mel's version…..nope. WAIT!!! "TOBI! I HAVE COOOOKKKIIIIEEESSS!" an orange mask popped out of no where. I threw him a cookie. "I'll give you the rest if you show me where everyone else is…" I drew out. He pointed up to the trees. All of a sudden, the entire Akatsuki came tumbling on top of me. "GET YOUR FAT ASSES OFF OF ME!"**

"**Koneko, we must say this was easier than we thought it would be." Sasori smirked.**

"**That's cause I haven't started FIGHTING yet!" I said, taking out a couple balls I got…I don't know what's in them. "PIKKACHU I CHOSE YOU!" I threw them into their faces and tried to get up. That plan sucked…Now I'm under a bunch of dead weight. I sighed.**

**I finally got out from under the fatsos and shackled them…with my awesome shackles of no escape! (Mel made them…being the inventor she is) They drain all but a little chakra that allows you to stand and walk! Woot! Luckily, I knew a jutsu (Gaara taught me) that transported a large amount of people! So yay me! I slapped them in the faces to wake the fuck up and did the Jutsu. **

**I walked in the gates of the village with the Akatsuki at my back. People stopped what they were doing to stare, I took two fingers and whistled, calling Taco. He fluttered down from who knows where, and landed on my head. **

"**Okay Taco, I need you to go get Gaara." he nodded and hopped away. I waited……and waited……and waited…….**

**AND WAITED AND WAITED AND oh wait….the waiting's done….. (eh?)**

Gaara finally popped out of no where and hugged me. I stood back.

"LOOK GAARA!" I stated triumphantly. "YAY SLAVE LABOR!"

"KONEKO! You captured the entire Akatsuki by yourself?"

"More or less…." I paused. "OMFUGJ! MORTAL TRIUMPHS OVER ALL!" I did a happy triumph over evil dance. Woo! Gaara hugged me.

"I get to call Mel now and brag, right?" Gaara asked.

"Of coarse!" I handed him my cell phone. He walked away chatting excitedly. Hidan cleared his throat.

"So….what about us, bitch?"

"DON'T CALL ME A FUCKING BITCH YOU COCK SUCKER! Now, you guys might be let go, but without your powah, or you might be jailed foeva! Or you might be my pocky slaves and constantly make pocky. Either way, I win."

"You're obsessed with winning, aren't you." Kissy smirked.

"Yes, yes I am. And it satisfies me to know you LOOOSSSEE!!" I screamed right in their ears. Hur. Hur.

"Uhuh…" Kissy just stared at me.

"At least I don't have an S.T.D!" I screamed.

"…..W-What?"

"You have the blue! And Itachi caught it, and he gave you your lines! Itachi as a plushy has blue from his thighs down…so I figured he caught it from you!" I paused. "And Naruto is your bastard son, who also has the evil lines." I said lovingly.

"What part of this makes sense in your head?" I stared at him.

"……what head?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

…**she doesn't have a head? OMFUGJ! She might not be able to wear a hat! *is saddened…* ;_;**

**Ko-Chan(OR IS IT!?) **


	6. Fig newtons and bologna

Hey people, this may be a little less hyper, I received bad news and it took a bit to sink in. and it may be short because me and my mother are planning an adventure. ^_^ I get wi-fi! HELL! I might even come through your town!(On horseback…and in the U.S.) so yay! If you're interested in seeing my face give me a P.M. and I'll hook you up with the info.

Disclaimer: Dammit give me a break! I cant think of one right now…

**RECAP!**

"……**what head?" **

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**CHAPTER 6: **

**Fig Newton's and bologna**

"Hey Koneko….what are we going to do with all these S-ranked criminals?" Kankle actually asked me quite nicely.

"SELL THEM ON EBAY!"

"What is eBay?"

"A PLACE TO SELL THINGS!"

"Obviously…"

"Screw you kankle! I'm going to check on my pocky slaves." I strolled out of where ever we were talking and headed down to the kitchen. They were sitting on their butts, chatting and drinking the wine that is supposed to be for flavor. I sighed.

"Why, may I ask, is there no pocky?"

"Uhhhh…" I revved my chainsaw.

"I will ask again, WHY IS THERE NO POCKY!?" They all pointed at Konan, who's face was littered with chocolate. I thought for a moment.

"you know what? If Pain can kill Konan, I'll let a number of you go." Pain instantly got up and stabbed Konan in the head. "Okay! Now, Hidan, Pain, Itachi, Tobi/Madara/Obito, and Kakuzo can go." I said, taking their powah and freeing them.

"The rest of you, continue making Pocky. NOW!" They scurried to work, and the ones I let free jumped away, out of sight. Woo! A moment passed before Gaara strolled into the kitchen, glancing the way of the Akatsuki.

"My bologna has a first name." he said Matter-of-factly. I smirked.

"You've been talking to Mel, haven't you?"

"Yes, but that still doesn't change the fact that my bologna has a first name, and its O.S.C.A.R!" I see where he is going with this.

"Ah, well, My bologna has a second name, it's M.E.Y.E.R."

"Oh, I love to eat it everyday."

"And if you ask me why I'll say!"

"Oscar Meyer has a way with,"

"B.O.L.O.G.N.A!" we sang the last part in unison. The Akatsuki stared at us.

"BACK TO MAKING POCKY!" I cracked my invisible (NOT imaginary, invisible!) whip. Ah, how I love to have powah.

"FIG NEWTON!" I declared decisively.

"W-what!?"

"WHO WOULD MAKE SOMETHING THAT GROSS?"

"Apparently Isaac Newton."

"I'm gonna call Mel." I flipped open my phone. It rang once….twice….three times….four….five…

"F Is for Friends that call each other! U is for U call me! N is for Nope I didn't get your call, so leave a message at the beep!" Mel sang. Stupid voice mail…

"Hey Mel, when you get this, call me back and tell me the inventor of the fig Newton." I sighed, closing my phone. As soon as it closes, I hear my 'lone ranger' ring tone and answer.

"….I have no idea." Mel concluded.

"Hey, I wanna bring you a wedding present!" I stared at the bottle of wine.

"Kay! See you there."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**I FINISHED!!!!! I am going to miss Mel!!! I'm MOVING! …on horseback but STILL! *sobs* we have so many fun stuff to do before I go! You know, this is actually based off stuff me and her actually did. *sobs more* hopefully in Miami Florida people will be as hyper as her and me. *all out sobs* and if you see me and my mom going through your town…horseback, don't be a stranger, come up and say hi! My mom doesn't believe I have many readers….**

**Ko-Chan! (OR IS IT!?) **


	7. Lee and Wine

**Hey peoplez! I am sick at the moment….*coughs* but I found these **_**Really good**_** cough drops…they're creamy and strawberry…y. I got a bird for Christmas, I originally named him Theo, but he turned out to always be angry, with his crown up all the time, so I renamed him Goku! Cause he wants his hair spiked! ^_^ *Coughs more…* ONWARD!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own naruto, he stole my manga money so I threw him out. T-T Naruto is evil.**

RECAP!

"Kay! See you there."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 7:

Lee and Wine

You can already tell this isn't going to be good….just because of the title….I rung the doorbell, and when I say 'rung the doorbell.' I mean punted a very loud cat. Im not a cat person. Mel thumped to the door, swinging it open.

"KONEKO!!!!" Mel screamed.

"MEL!" I screamed back.

"GAARA!!!" (her)

"MEL!" (Gaara) "KONEKO!!!" (Lee) "LEE!" (me)

"GAARA!!!"(Lee)

"MEL!!!" (Lee….)

"LEE!" (Gaara…..?)

**Five hours later….**

"Hey Mel, I got you a lil' something something." I whispered, handing her the wine bottle.

"you know Lee cant drink!" she hissed. I grinned evilly.

"I know, but I was wondering, if fighting's the only thing he's good at when he's drunk….that and getting hit by logs…" she chuckled.

"Well, I'm going to lock this away and NEVER open it again." It suddenly came to me…"Adventure?"

"Adventure?"

"Yes, adventure."

"What about adventure?"

"You wanna go on one?"

"YES!"

"GAARA!!!" I called into the living room, where Gaara was visiting with Lee. He peaked his head into the door.

"Me and Mel are going on an adventure! We'll be back!" I threw on my travel cloak.

**ADVENTURE!!!! (come on and lets go on an ADVENTUUUURRRE!) pun unintended…**

Here we are, in the wide variety of GRASS! Nothing but GRASS! And insects, but mostly GRASS! I sighed, tune after tune popping into my head. One that Magumi-sama wrote (or stole..)

"Oh sister of woe/I have stories to tell!" Mel chimed in.

"Of diamond-red valleys/and green rolling dell!" we sang together.

"But the ones, as I travel/ I travel and roam!/ the ones I like best are the stories from home!"

"EHHHH! I wanna go back!"

"So do I, Mel, so do I…" SO WE DID!

**Home!**

"You were gone 5 minutes…" Gaara gave us a disappointed look.

"Well, I missed you…"

"I blame love." Mel said matter-of-factly. (I love using that!)

"H-ey, guiyzzzz" Lee slurred. Mel looked at me.

"Lee, what did you drink?" Mel asked, fearing the answer.

"O-oh, jusssst some grape juiccccce in the…the….that place where it was…DON'T GET COCKY WITH ME -hick- pffft! Cocky…. It wassssnt very good grape juice, it tasted liiike med--sine……"

"LEE! BARF! NOW!" Mel pointed to inside a bucket, which she keeps clenched between her BUTTOCKS!!!

"N-No! I don…don't wanna…-hick!- I love you Sakura….but I wont do thhhhaat!"

"What'd you say!? What'd you call me!?"

"H-huh?"

"YOU BETTER MOTHER FUCKIN' RUN!" Mel screamed, Pulling out her chainsaw. Lee, being awesome, dodged everything and upchucking on Gaara. Gaara stared at him, and growled.

"**Lee, I suggest you run, quickly." **Gaara threatened, chasing after the now sober man with his sand.

"Goosfraba." I chuckled lightly, standing back and watching Lee being chased by Gaara who is being chased by Mel with a mallet. I sighed contently.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**HEY! You know what! We partied! WOO! Only without all the drunkness and stuff. Just LOTS of pizza. Oh and guess what! NO FLAMES YET! I iz happy. Now, just cause I said that, don't go all flamin me up in my hiz-house. *Giggles* im not good at doing stuff… By the way, thanks reviewers! Mostly Scatter Inner Sakura, Me and Gaara, .life345, Gaara-Rulezzz, HidanxRai4ever, InsanityForApples, Meco45, girlthatlovesthedoomsong, Kurashikku Sero, **

**Akatsuki-Lover007, The Jackle, Piper, Riia luvs anime, and my most awesome beta EVER in the history of beta…ship! Fredfredburger Nacho rules YES! **

**Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!?)**


	8. Gaara's Birthday

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAARA!!! Yay! I am doing an entire birthday chapter!!!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned naruto, it would be Gaara's birthday, EVERYDAY! Of coarse, then he'd be really old. Be happy I don't own naruto.**

RECAP!

"Goosfraba." I chuckled lightly, standing back and watching Lee being chased by Gaara who is being chased by Mel with a mallet. I sighed contently.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 8:

GAARA'S BIRTHDAY!

I had Gaara in my sight, quietly sneaking up on him. I curled up, ready to pounce.

"RAWR!" I screamed, jumping onto his back. He stared at me. "GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!?" he looked at me quizzically.

"Wacky tie day?" he said seriously. (from uncle Yo)

"NO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I shouted, presenting a gift in front of his face.

"Er…What's this?" He said, pointing to the awesomely wrapped gift.

"Your gift! You're supposed to unwrap it!" he took it hesitantly, slowly pulling the red bow. He stared in shock.

"Do you like it?"

"W-what is it?"

"It's a locket! It has pictures of all of us in it!" I said, flipping it open and reveling an eight slide picture show.

"…Does it explode?"

"……..Yes." I said shyly. "But only when you press this button." I said, showing him the little indenture made.

"Everything you give me explodes." he sighed happily.

"I know…" I said, giving him a hug. "Now come on out into the kitchen, your party's waiting!"

"P-party?"

"Yes, party! Come on! Mel and I made a special cake!" I dragged him out, the lights went dim, and Mel's voice boomed.

"NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMAN OF THE SAND VILLAGE! PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR THE BIRTHDAY BOY! LORD KAZEKAGE GAARA!!!!" the entire village roared.

"See! I do good birthdays!" His mouth hung open, I grabbed his arm and led him to the cake which was a large sculpture of Deidara. I slid the big red button to blow the candle out on the very top of his head, roughly 500ft larger than we were standing. The gifts were behind a glass, protecting them from the last surprise. "Press it," I whispered. "and make a wish." He did as told.

-BOOM!-

The big red button made the cake explode onto everyone, screams and wails were loud and clear.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO WEAR ANYTHING NICE!" Mel's voice boomed again.

"Time to open your presents!" everyone got Gaara something, nothing deadly, but fireworks and other stuff we could have fun with. I laughed as I dragged a reluctant Gaara onto the dance floor.

"You either dance with me, or you get to dance with Lee." I said, pointing to the green jumpsuit making obviously fake flirtation advancements, blowing heart kisses and making dramatically sexy poses.

"BACK OFF GAARA! HE'S MINE!" Mel's voice reminded him painfully, making everyone start to giggle. He took my hand and Mel put on a fast song.

"Oh! MEL! PUT ON THE RITZ!" I screamed, she put it on Auto and came to dance with me. We randomly got jackets, canes and two top hats. The lights flickered on.

"If your blue and you don't know," we did a weave, dancing in sync.

"Where to go to why don't you go," opposite direction weave.

"Where fashion sits?" pose and twirl.

"Puttin' on the Ritz!" We grape-vined quickly. This may be close to the actual dance, but its not perfect. We finished the rest of the song wheezing, not used to action.

"WHEW! I didn't know that song was so LONG until I did it in front of the crowd.

"Hey Mel, who's soldier-boy's best friend?" her grin widened.

"YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!" We said in unison.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**WOOOOOOOO! You know you love me. I worked hard to finish this, cuz I had serious writers block, therefore tish not as random, but delightfully fluffy like whip-cream on PIE! Which makes my story as good as pie. Therefore, I rock. DO NOT DEFY MY LOGIC!**

**Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!?)**


	9. Babies and Obesity

**HEY PEOPLES! Im kind of sad that my review status is slowly decaying into nothing. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEOPLE! Its always someone's birthday, so…make it happy! ONWARD!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, even though poking him with a stick would be fun…**

**RECAP!**

**"YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!" We said in unison.**

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**CHAPTER 9:**

**Babies and Obesity**

"GAH! THE AKATSUKI ARE AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS!" I screamed, booking it past Gaara.

"How did they get their powers back though?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! THEY JUST DID!" I said, a herd of Akatsuki members on my tail.

"HOLY SHIT! KONEKO! DID YOU KNOW THE AKATSUKI IS BEHIND YOU!" Mel screamed.

"OH MAH GAWD! REALLY!" I said, completely free of sarcasm. Suddenly, Hidan was in front of me. "Oh shiznap….." I cursed, stopping completely. He smiled wickedly. _somehow Gaara, Mel and Lee can do NOTHING about this…_

"I got you now, bitch!"

"THE FUCK HIDAN!? WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY, DICK FACE PUSSY MUNCHER DOUCHE-BAG MONKEY!! Don't swear at a fucking master!" I said, hitting him upside the head. He shook it off and threw me over his shoulder. I put my feet and hands up like I was super man. "OH-MAH-GAWD! ITS GOING IN REVERSE! DAMMIT WHERE IS THE SHIFTER!"

**! Now we are at the BASE!**

Here I sit, in a dark, damp room, bored OUTTA MY MIND! At least they know better than to lock me in a cage…

"IT'S THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS! AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE, IT IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! IT--" I continued singing for 23 hours at the top of my lungs before Zetsu popped up out of freaking NOWHERE!

"Hello, Koneko."

"Hey Zetsu. Why the hell am I in here?"

"Er, where would you like me to start?"

"The most offensive?"

"**You threw the entire Akatsuki down a drainage pipe, you locked them up and forced them into slave labor. You neutered Tobi, and traumatized Deidara. Oh, and Itachi told me to add 10 years to your sentence for braiding his hair."**

"Wait wait wait! You said nothing about a sentence! D-does this sentence have adjectives in it?"

"No, this sentence has you in a dark dirty cell until we can find a way to seal off the portal."

"B-but I have to go back!" I started to cry, completely serious now.

"Give me one good reason to let you go back."

"IM PREGNANT!" I screamed in hysterics, grabbing his shoulder. "I'M **NOT** GOING TO HAVE MY CHILD IN A DARK DIRTY CELL!" I shoved him aside.

"That's a pretty good reason…**and that explains why you're so fat.**" I growled at him.

"Don't make me sick a hedge trimmer on you, plant boy!" I scowled.

"I--I'll see what I can do…" Zetsu vanished.

"Hehehe, hedge trimmers…." I giggled darkly by myself. All I can do now is wait.

**A LONG, LONG, LONG TIME LATER!**

"How far along are you?"

"7 months, it's a girl!" I said happily.

"You may go back for eighteen more years and two months." Pein said formally. I lunged my fist in the air. "YES!"

"BUT! You have to wear this." Pein held up a leg bracelet. "If you leave the sand village, it will give you a warning shock, any farther than 10ft from the border, it will give you a shock so powerful it will kill your baby and leave you paralyzed. We will then collect you and keep you and your friend here."

"You suck." I pointed out seriously. "You really really suck."

"Itachi, would you please return her to her village." He ordered…asked…ish.

"BLARG! IM RUINING THE MOMENT!!!" I screamed, blacking out for some odd reason.

**Home**

I shifted uncomfortably on my make-shift pillow, gaining a mouth full of sand.

"PLEARGFLUFF!" I scraped it off my tongue. "Ima in da village!?" I stared around, no one was awake yet. Just then, two big black panda eyes dropped down from a roof top. "GAARA!" I screamed, latching on to his neck.

"Koneko! Are you okay!? Did they hurt you?" He looked me up and down.

"No, but I have some bad news…" I dropped my head, not wanting to stare into the cuddly sad eyes. "I have 18 years and two months before the Akatsuki collect me and Mel. At least they're nice enough to let me see him or her grow up!"

"Hn. Kind my ass! They're taking you away from me!"

"Yes, but they could have held me captive and not let me go! Admit it, they aren't THAT bad. They're just a bunch of softies on the inside."

"I will if we can name the baby Teleri."

"How about Teleri Ayumu? (Your dream)"

"That sounds beautiful. Sabaku No Teleri Ayumu."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Hey! I made it kinda sad didn't I? hur. All well. I'm using weird slang because of a book series I read…books just influence me… So if I use 'happy-making, nervous-making etc. Bubbly or icy' ignore me. **

**Ko-Chan! (OR IS IT!) **


	10. preggers and green

_**HEY PEOPLE! ^_^ guess what! Becky(AKA MEL) is going to TOKYO! She is a foreign exchange student and she is going to buy me SOCKS! LIKE SHE PROMISED!**_** *Sends evil glare at Becky* GER! *Sigh* Onward…**

**Disclaimer: If I own Naruto then it is in the same dimension where I love sports and hate anime. Why I would own something I hate…I have no idea.**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 10:

preggers and green

"I WANT JALAPENOS!" I chucked a dish at Kankle's head.

"What the heck are jalapenos!"

"THEY'RE A FOOD THAT'S SPICY AND GROSS BUT I HAVE A SUDDEN CRAVING FOR THEM SO GO!" I screamed, chucking another dish. He scurried out the door to escape my sudden mood swing. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Why does the floor hate me so much! All I wanted to do was walk on it! I'M SO SORRY FLOOR! I HAVE WRONGED YOU SO!" I stared at the floor sobbing, wishing I hadn't been so mean to it. "I WANNA BAKE MUFFINS!" I said happily, eye sparkles and all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*LEAF VILLAGE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**MEL'S POV (yes its new.) **

I was down on my way to the wedding planner's. that's right! ME AND LEE ARE GETTING MARRIED! YAY! His training has proven him well. All of the sudden, a ninja flicker arrived in front of me.

"GAH! IM SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO STEAL YOUR SOUL!" I screamed at Kankuro, who just looked down at me.

"Koneko is pregnant. I need HELP! What the hell are Jalapenos?"

"She hates Jalapenos, why is she asking….SHE'S PREGNANT! AND DIDN'T TELL ME! WHY!"

"She can't leave the village or she will be electrocuted to death and captured by the Akatsuki." He said solemnly.

"Will you help me pick out my wedding dress?" I asked honestly.

"…..yes." He nodded, and once again we were off to the wedding planner's.

**At the wedding planner's!**

"How's this one?" I asked, stepping out from behind a curtain to show off my baby blue dress.

"No." I sighed.

"You don't agree to white, blue or yellow…" I ranted, changing into another one.

"No."

"I DIDN'T EVEN PUT IT ON YET!"

"I know." He threw me a dark green dress. "Put that one on." I did so and looked in the mirror. It was fluffy and beautiful.

"Kankuro, are you homosexual?" Only gay men can choose this pretty of a dress…

"No."

"Oh…Well, I'll show you where to get the Jalapenos now."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*SAND VILLAGE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**KONEKO'S POV **

"You're too late. I want strawberries and something crunchy!"

"J-jalapenos are crunchy sometimes!"

"True." I said, walking away with my jar of really spicy jalapenos. AHHHHHHHH! THEY BURN SO MUCH! WHY DID I TRY THIS!

"I HATE JALAPENOS!" I sobbed. This is going to be a long preggernency. "All I want from you is that you didn't taste bad and spicy!" I screamed at the jalapenos.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Okay, so here I am gradually moving my way to Miami, slowly but surely…Rather boring actually…I MISS SAND! *Sigh* All well, sorry it took so long, but do you honestly expect a speedy update from me? I think NOT! I honestly can NOT eat anything spicy, thus inspiring this chapter…plus making Kankle gay is fun!**

**Ko-Chan! (OR IS IT!)**


	11. Plan?

**I didn't start this until an hour ago…wow…procrastinating much? ONWARD!**

**Disclaimer: If I own Naruto then it is in the same dimension where I love sports and hate anime. Why I would own something I hate…I have no idea.**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 11:

Plan?

"Okay, so…how are we going to get this off?" I said, staring at the ankle bracelet of doom…and zappiness.

"Um…" Mel started…then suddenly took out a giant mallet out of nowhere and went all 'kill de zombiehz' on my foot.

"GAAAAH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" I tried to scurry away from her, but she held me down.

"THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING!"

"I MEANT YOU!" I screamed. She stopped hitting me to look up.

"Well then, do you have a plan B?"

"We had a plan! THAT WAS YOUR PLAN!" I got up and shook her by her shoulders. "THE FUCK!"

"I don't see you coming up with anything better!"

"Well….at least I have fingers!"

"Dammit….."

"What if we use Florance?" I asked, gesturing to the red chainsaw.

"It would most likely cut off your foot." She said, looking down.

"Well, what if we just cut off my foot? Wouldn't that work? Sure I'd be footless but at least I'd have it off. Plus, maybe you could make me a bionic foot like on Full Metal Alchemist!" She grinned.

"I am pretty awesome at making stuff…."

"Okey dokey, we better get a medic nin to make sure I don't bleed to death."

**FOOT!**

"What if we cut off her foot, slip the ankle bracelet of doom and zappiness off and then heal her foot back on her leg really fast?" Gaara suggested. Sakura looked up at him.

"You know, that might just work, but her influence on you is scary…" She put her hand to her chin in thought.

"Aw…I wanted a bionic leg…" I sighed, crossing my arms. "Because egg brain crystal elderly taco bell." I grunted. Mel stared at me before placing a comforting hand on my shoulder and looking in my eyes.

"It's pizza north reindeer fort giant frog. Next flip monster cat tornado, promise verb belch Viagra." She smiled.

"That was the nicest thing I've ever heard you say Mel!" I said, squeezing her in a hug. "You promise?"

"I promise." She said, placing her hand across her chest.

"You better hold up to that. Now let's get this foot off!" I screamed, closing my eyes.

"We have to give her a drug to make her unconscious, if she moves when the leg is being cut or put back on, it could make her cripple or bleed to death." Sakura explained. Suddenly, a sharp pain hit my shoulder.

"That wasn't nice to do when I wasn-" my head hit the table hard, and I fell into a deep sleep, only knowing the buzzing of a medical saw in action.

**AWAKE!**

"WHAT!" I screamed, wiggling both feet. "Aw…I was hoping something would go wrong…" I whined.

"Nope, sorry deary." Mel smiled. "Pinky is just too talented." Sakura growled.

"I don't know whether to take that as an insult or a complement…"

"I'd take it as a compliment, then you wouldn't have to deal with a flying angry raccoon in your face. Just saying." Gaara smiled.

"Hm. Can it possibly be worse than a turkey?"

"Paco has teeth…"

"…I feel an absence of attention here, and this cannot be. I AM AN ATTENTION WHORE!" I shouted, my hands cupped to make the noise louder. "…Go on."

"…." Sakura stared at me.

"Attention achieved. Abrakadabra." I waved my hand and a blast of smoke filled my place on the table. I was headin' to the kitchen for noms.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

…**Yeah, I kinda disappeared for a while…I just haven't been hyper enough to write this story… Hm, I give props to everyone who has reviewed and stuck with my story. I'm sorry I'm not a devoted fanfic author. Meh, I've been plotting world domination, takes up the schedule. Review if you feel like it.**

**Your lord and master,**

**Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!)**


	12. Baby

**I am now in Michigan. Sorry for the inconvenience. Oops, my bad.**

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto on the rare day of opposites, in which everyone wears their faces backwards, hell freezes over and it rains ice-cream. **

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 12: Rocky Roadkill

"Look at this fluffy thing Mel got me! LOOK AT IT!" I screamed, forcing the fluffy backpack of doom and furriness in Gaara's face.

"What is it?"

"A backpack! A very flat, dead-looking backpack!" I smiled.

"No, I meant what type of animal is it?"

"A woof!"

"You mean a wolf?"

"Yes, Gaara. A woof, and I need a new name for him! Why are you so technical today!"

"Besides the fact that today is the day I died?"

"B-but you never died…Shukaku hasn't been taken out of you!"

"…Today I'm _supposed_ to die."

"AW! I will defeat the baddies and save you from the girly-man!"

"…I need a hug." He squeaked, grabbing onto me tightly.

"There is your hug. Now why besides the fact that today is the day you're supposed to die?"

"…Kankuro stole my ice-cream…" He sniffed.

"Dammit Kankle!" I screamed. "Uh-oh! Pissed-off-and-pregnant coming through!" Kankuro shouted.

"Damn right! Give Gaara back his ice-cream!" I shouted, running after Kankle.

"ALRIGHT!" He shouted as a gut-wrenching sound erupted from his throat. He burped right in my face.

"…."

"…."

"…Ew." I glared at him.

"Tch. You're the one that asked for it back." He shrugged.

"Not in vapor form." I stared at him crossly. "I've got an idea! I'll name him Rocky Roadkill!" I said, holding up the flattened wolf backpack, completely forgetting my earlier anger.

"Mood swing much?" Kankle muttered.

"Yes, yes. Pregnancy is a bitch and I'll try to be nicer. GAH!" I cried, grabbing my stomach. "Dude! My fucking water just broke!" I looked frantically to Gaara. He nodded, lifting me up and carrying me off.

**LABOR!**

"GET THIS FUCKING BABY OUT OF ME!" I wailed, grabbing onto Gaara's hand. If he hadn't had his sand-shield, his hand would have most likely broken.

"Alright, push!" Sakura yelled.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING!" I squealed, pushing as hard as possible. Suddenly, there was a silence, before a baby's crying erupted.

"It's a girl." Sakura smiled.

"We already-Gah!" I cried as another little bugger popped out of me.

"Twins!"

"Girl or boy?"

"Boy."

"Shit…Alright, the first one's Teleri and the second is…Satoshi." Gaara said weakly.

"I like that name…reminds me of an owl." I said tiredly.

"Mhm."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Ugh…. Kind of glad that chapter's over…Think next will be last. **

**Chaotically yours,**

**Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!)**


	13. Bad luck for dish soapEnd

**THE LAST CHAPTER!**

**Disclaimer: Turns out I own a chicken named Mr. Clucky, but no Naruto. **

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 13: Bad Luck For Dish Soap

"TELERI! GIVE YOUR BROTHER BACK HIS LEGOS!" Gaara ordered as an 18 year old ran at abnormal speed, giggling like a crazy person.

"Just like her mother." Kankle said distastefully.

"You know you love me." I smiled. Satoshi's bright red hair flashed in front of us as a large object tripped Teleri to the ground and sat on her back. I sighed.

"Legos. Now." He demanded.

"Satoshi, what have I told you about trying to mortally injure your sister?" I put my hands on my hips.

"To not to?"

"Yes! And if you _must, _make sure you aim away from her face, and don't get distracted or you'll find yourself castrated."

"NUT-SHOT!" Teleri screamed, kicking her brother in the nards.

"_Aaaahhhhhh!_" Satoshi squealed, falling to the ground. I high-five Teleri, secretly grabbing the Legos. I threw them at the still writhing Satoshi and grinned, smacking Teleri upside the head.

"You: No stealing." I glared at Teleri. "And you: Watch your nuts." I turned to Satoshi. "And now we've all learned a lesson, so lets eat dinner."

**OH MY ELEPHANT! THEY JUST ATE DINO!**

I sighed, watching as an army of Akatsuki members stormed into the village.

"I'm too old for this…" I grunted, grabbing Florance. "I'd have thought they forgot about me."

"Mom, can _I _have Florance?" Teleri asked, giving me the puppy-dog look. I sighed.

"I can't believe my mother gave me a chainsaw, but I suppose I should pass on good old Florance to you." I shrugged, handing her the bright red contraption. I glued googly eyes on the front of it since the last time I used it. Teleri grinned, running out the front door towards the ninja. I had the joy of watching them realize who was coming towards them, and running away screaming like girls. She'll grow up to be just like me, reeking havoc on the ninja world. Satoshi grinned from beside me, silent as ever.

"Motherly unit?"

"Yes?"

"Does that mean I get Dad's?"

"You'll have to ask him." I shrugged. Five minutes later, another red-head ran out of the tower and toward the herd of S-ranked criminals. Their shrieks amplified as they ran off into the distance, half of my genetic material running at their heals.

"Reminds you of the good old days when that was _us _running behind the Akatsuki, doesn't it?" Gaara smirked, hand wrapping around my waist as I pet Taco, the turkey that we suspect is immortal.

"I suppose so. Oh! Satoshi got one!" I covered my mouth with my hand.

"Ouch…" Gaara winced.

"You think he'll be able to pee after that?"

"No." Gaara shook his head. I chuckled.

"Well, at least I've got my kiddies to protect me from dish soap." I giggled.

**MEL'S POV**

"Child. Don't move." I ordered my strange looking daughter, brushing her bowl-cut hair. Her eyebrows were two inches thick, she was 5 years old, and she loved the color green.

"Yes mommy."

"Midori, (Which is green in Japanese! HA!) where's your father?"

"He went out." She shrugged.

"Ugh!" I fumed, finishing her hair. "Alright, go to school." I dismissed, going to search for Lee. Suddenly, I was tackled into a hug.

"Mel!" Lee smiled.

"I am so mad at you! You weren't here to wish Midori off to school!" I fumed. He hung his head.

"I am sorry, but I had a morning mission." He apologized.

"I suppose it's alright, as long as you're here now." I said guiltily.

"Mhm." He sighed, drawing me close for a kiss.

All in all, I'm glad we stayed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Sequel End!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**My beloved spoof is finished. Hizah. *Sighs* I just don't have very much spoofness in me anymore. And I can't write normal stories without failing epically. Perhaps I should retire from fanfiction…**

**Chaotically yours,**

**Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!) **

…**Turns out it is.**


End file.
